Ian: So what was the last thing you wrote? About Amherst?
Jarrett: I wrote you had a dirt stache. And about Booger.

After we woke up at the confetti house we just like, kicked it in the front yard for a while with Cole (who rules. i luv u cole!) /..,m>?L Natalie blogs.

The drive from Amherst to Portland was kind of cute but mostly it just sucked cause of Boston and it's massive donuts of traffic.
When we got to Portland I was just like "Thank Gawd!" This town is adorable. I really want Mike to take me there sometime without Jarrett and Marissa. I was so pissed that I didn't have enough money to buy some light house statues and paintings of light houses and nylon flags with pictures of light houses. I was just like "God dammit." When we met Ryan I was just like, "Thank Gawd." You are such a solid dude, Ryan Brunswick. Jarrett in fell with a girl with a lisp who wanted to take us to swim in poo and I was just like "Ew. That is so gross." The show had something bad happen to it and Screaming Females only played for 15 minutes, but I was just like, "Whatever" but everyone else was all like "This sucks."
We stayed at Tara and Brian's house and I was just like "Did you two have somebody in to do this place?" But they said no.
Booger saw a church with an anarchy symbol on it and was just like "Oi. Take me picteh you fackin wankah! OI!"
The next day we went to an all you can eat, vegan, buffet for 4 dollars owned by seventh-day adventists and I ate until I was just like "Thank Gawd." Then we left for White River Junction, Vermont where I saw a license plate that was just like "IMLUVD" and then another one across the street that was just like "IMLUVD2" and I was just like "Thank Gawd." The town is almost completely abandoned except for the Center for Cartoon Studies, a hipster fashion boutique called Revolution and a Museum of bizarre taxidermied things. Graham, the chief employee at the Museum tricked Jarrett into paying him money for a video he made of the show, by pretending to be retarded.
We stayed at Chico's parent's house on a small farm in the woods and I was just like "Thank Gawd! Donkeys!! Marissa! Take a picture of me drinking wine with the donkeys!!" I was well drunk at that point.
The next day we drove to Castleton and Screaming Females and Real Life Time Machines played for a bunch of 16 year olds. Then we stayed in a dorm and ate at a dining hall and pooped like we had just eaten at a dining hall. Ben from Real Life Time Machines stayed with us and I was just like "Thank Gawd!" He is sooo cute. Oh my god. Shut up.
The next day we drove to Burlington and Jarrett got turned on by a bunch of bongs. Me and Marissa just freaked out about the quantity of cute dogs (btw: Cute dogs. Thank Gawd!) The bar where the show was fucked up and nobody came to the show so when Screaming Females played I was just running around like an asshole by myself which is fine with me cause usually other people dancing at shows just get in my way. However, 242 Main St. A DIY punk venue was having a show that night that they were able to jump on. I was just like, "Jarrett! These kids SMELL funny!!" But he was just like "Thank Gawd." We slept at Josh's house and left the Merch at Kat's house. Then we left for Canada. We crossed the border with out being searched even though we went through all the trouble of scamming a Salvation Army out of a free bible and planning an elaborate story as to why we were bringing tons of music equipment into Canada:

We are a four piece experimental Christian rock band from New Jersey.
Our bible was stolen out of our van (along with Ryan's pants).
We are going to Ottawa to record with our friend Steph who we met on myspace and runs the only experimental Christian recording studio in North America that we can feel comfortable with

Once we got into Canada. Everything was different. But nonetheless I was just like "Thank Gawd!" All the little farms and French-Canadians were so cuuuute.
We got to Ottawa and met Steph. Steph blew my mind. She showed me tons of belts and explained to me her easily broken rules about drug abuse. She bought us gelato and I was just like "Thank Gawd."
Ottawa is full of hipster otters.
Also I pulled a drowning Muskrat out of a canal and me and Marissa named him Todd Bean Salad. The cops have cute accents and I was just like "Thank Gawd!"
We left immediately after the show and crossed the border in the middle of the night. The cop at the border tried to trick us into admitting our illegal activity by illustrating how ridiculous it was that I made friends at school and would occasionally travel from Philadelphia to New Jersey. She totally bought the shit about a Christian experimental band. We made it back to Burlington at 5 in the morning. Mike was sick and slept in the van while Jarrett, Marissa and I walked around talking shit on Burlington. After Jarrett closed his illegal Vermont bank account and we waited for the longest oil change ever, we finally began the 600 mile drive to Olean, New York on no sleep with Mike dying in the back seat. We stopped in Duanesburg. Which we turned into a TV show that was a cross between Wayne's World, a crime drama and the evening news. We decided not to go to Olean and to just go camping instead. So we drove to Watkins Glen, built a raging fire and kicked it. Then some other shit. Um. they're all going to sleep. Sharon's here. Sharon rules. I'm going to sleep with sharon (Thank Gawd.)
Jarrett. you blog about pittsburgh.

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